"It's not what you say, but -how- you say it."
Most people know the adage, ‘If you can’t say something
nice, don’t say anything at all’. Many times, I prefer to keep this in mind
during destructive conflicts, because things can be said that can’t be taken
back. Usually in this scenario, there is a lot of accommodation, where I simply
choose to not expend any more energy on the conflict. I prefer to engage in constructive conflicts,
where the end results in an understanding or an agreement for how to tackle the
problem if it comes back again in the future.
Most of the time, the destructive conflicts usually fizzle,
and the issue springs up again and again, under a different guise. Money, time
management, stress; all of these are factors that can spark a destructive
conflict, and I am not one to really be approached in these things. I am non-confrontational.
As I mentioned before, things can be said that cannot be
taken back. In one instance, when I decided to speak up, I did so in a way that
was more venting that addressing, and it cost me a relationship. It took a long
time to mend things, and we are stronger for it today. However, there are times
that I wish I’d just been quiet during the fight, especially since the issue
was something absolutely ridiculous.
Things probably would have gone better if I
had just taken a step back and addressed the issue, instead of placing blame. I feel that’s the way a lot of disagreements
get blown out of proportion as well.
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